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The fear of not being enough


I always wondered why I do not trust? Why is it difficult for me to trust?

... And the answer to those questions weren't questions of trust, they were questions of fear. So when I realized it I began to question myself in a conscious and direct way.


Since I was little I have been a very fearful person, I have had many problems with self-confidence, external confidence, and confidence in life. I always wondered what would be the best way to increase my confidence, I tried everything but never had profound results.


To be more precise, I am the type of person who in childhood slept with his mother until he was 12 years old, did not sleep in agency houses, and daily had nightmares that my parents died. I went to psychologists, neurologists, and all kinds of therapy to learn to have a little confidence and to keep my mind calm.

... ah! It is also worth mentioning that during my adolescence I took refuge in rebellious tendencies to strengthen my credibility and authenticity, in addition to going to a couple of spiritual retreats and experiencing whatever appeared to me in front of me.

To be honest I never thought that this constant disagreement, that internal dialogue of negative affirmations, and that anxiety was unleashed only in one word FEAR.

Pero para ir más a fondo en este concepto…


What is fear?

In the middle of my months of self-discovery in Holland, where I went to discover myself as a person and simply travel and open my mind, every day I spent a whole year questioning my being, my life, and my results up to that moment. I was very close to turning 30, an age totally idealized by society about having a guaranteed success or a certain failure, it is practically the age that defines the rest of your life.



Well coming back to the topic, I was listening to one of the lectures by Borja Vilaseca, a Spanish writer of personal growth, of course, one of my favorites, always with his satires and reality openly in the language, he was talking about what fear is, and this describes it simply is our mental limitations!


That is to say, mental limitations are ideals or negative thoughts that we have in the face of a stimulus or situation that may come to us, which is constantly presented to us in the form of anxiety, depression, or self-rejection. Other times they show up as anger, negativity, or a bad attitude. These emotional cages are nothing more and nothing less an imagined interpretation in a scenario beyond our control to take a contrary direction, to take charge of it, and choose our emotional well-being and the responsibility that corresponds to us in each situation.





But then another question arose… How do I identify my fears?


To identify my fears, I must address the negative statements that I constantly have about myself and about certain situations that arise in life. I must remember those imaginary or remembered scenarios with situations that have made us feel that we do not have control of ourselves and that we would not want to face again for the world. But from there, it is worth saying that we must create a list with the worst affirmations and unleash it in a single concept ... for example, in my case, it was: "I am not enough" of what I was afraid ... of not being enough, in front of whom towards others, herself or towards situations.


But it is worth clarifying that to face this problem from a mental plane we only have to think about what would be the best thing that I could get out of that fear that I have, that blockage that does not allow me to move forward. In the case of my fear of "not being enough" I land it on a personal stage ...


Internal environment: not being enough with myself, then ...
What's the worst that could happen?
Feel disappointed in myself

AND...

What's the best that could happen?

Accept myself as I am and look for a solution to be useful and pleasant to myself.

Now, let's go to the outer side ...

External environment:
Not being enough with others, then ...

What's the worst that could happen?
Having the feeling of feeling rejected in front of a person or situation.

AND...

What's the best that could happen?
Accept myself as I am and look for a solution to be useful and pleasant to myself.

If we analyze well, we will find that on the external and internal plane the solution to fear is to accept me as I am, looking for a solution to be useful and pleasant to myself.


Concluding this topic of fear, we fill our lives with limitations that we are not aware of, creating catastrophic scenarios in our mind that keep us from living a full life, where the basic thing is to know ourselves through personal experiences, being realistic outside of conventional ideas and preset. We do not have to be perfect, reality is so diverse, as it is reflected in nature since we are part of it. The key to life is to accept ourselves at each stage, enjoying the necessary things that we have every day and using them to face life at every moment, being useful and pleasant for ourselves.


Overcome your fears, go to your limits and face them, and in case they actually happen, have a mentality prepared to face that situation in a responsible way and come out of it with a neutral and balanced vision to generate confidence and fulfillment in front of it, Life.




Sara Leyva.







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